people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
