bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
