no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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