just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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