You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Who died my cat blue again?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
