he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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