When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
