Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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