There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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