margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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