So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
