yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
