dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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