Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
