Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
