rhymes with "ouble enetration"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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