Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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