i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
