Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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