No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
