guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just tell him i said nine months
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
