I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
