my phone needs a breathalizer
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
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