I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
