I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
