I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize