just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
