I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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