she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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