somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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