I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
