Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
