You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
