Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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