I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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