Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
