Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
