I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
