i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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