somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
