So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I came so hard my ears popped.
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