it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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