I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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