that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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