there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
