Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
