im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
