Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
