I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
