Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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