In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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