You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
