Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I believe in your delicious
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
