I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
bring money and cleavage
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
