Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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