Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
