id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize