But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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