haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
...so i touched it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
