He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
