No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will be naked everywhere
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
