I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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