woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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