Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
