this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize