ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
