You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
