The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
