TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
