i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
