So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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