he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
