okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
