Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
