Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
